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Building this farm, growing my dream – Part 3

“There will always be something standing in your way, what matters is how badly you want to push through”, my husband

My biggest fear is failure, I’ve never chased any dream because I don’t want to fail. I guess we all have a slightly different definition of what failure means, but I’ve always thought hearing the word ‘NO’ was a fast pass to a dream crushing end.

Surprise, I’m still here. Feeling ALL the feels and crying my heart out because as painful as I knew hearing  D E N I E D  would feel — I didn’t expect the heart ache of still wanting something I’m not able to achieve.

This is the biggest risk I’ve personally taken and while I’ve written about the research and struggles HERE and HERE, I can now inform you my loan application through the Farm Service Agency was denied…

“I know that you have put a lot of work into the application, and these are tough times in the dairy business…”

My mother told me that she’ll allow me to cry today, but tomorrow I’m going to pick my ass up and move forward. Towards what? A few hours ago I just wanted to know the decision, one way or the other, I needed to be able to move in some direction. And now that I know, I still feel just as lost as before…

Excuse me while I ugly cry in my comforter

Xo, Nicole



  1. So often the strongest women are those that dont know it. But your strength, determination and love shines through, you got this! 🖤💙 And I know I’m not the only one out here praying for you!


      Thank you, that means so much to me 💗

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