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Cows that didn’t make the nice list in 2019

Let’s be real here — while my cows ARE adorable AND super affectionate, not ALL of them are amazing. There are a few assholes in the group and tis the season to blast them and put their numbers on the naughty list!

Maybe “assholes” is a bit strong but….. nope! It’s accurate. This list came together in less than 5 minutes and includes a few newbies, have you seen my 2018 or 2017 list of naughty cows?

The following NINE jerk cows, in my opinion, need a lump of coal in their stall:

#179 isn’t necessarily naughty but I’m disappointed in her. As the ONLY daughter of my beloved #49 (who passed away on the farm this year) I feel she has an obligation to allow me to love her, and as you can assume — she does not. That’s it, that’s all it takes folks, this list is cut throat!

#102 because she’s always last. Always. Not a big deal when you’ve got a new young cow that you need to help train how to enter the parlor, but kind of irritating because she doesn’t respect ME as the boss. Plus she’s mostly white and there are a few points against her from the get-go.

#41 is pretty darn frustrating, she does the exact same routine twice a day but refuses to be first in the parlor. As soon as another cow walks in, she’ll follow, but to be the leader…. she certainly will not.

#84 – occasionally referred to as Nikki is STILL on the list, pretty sure 3 years running. She continues to come in only on the left side of the parlor and will block the doorway so nobody can enter the right side. Truth! It’s a jerk move.

#89 – Roo is AGAIN on the list but not for the same reasons as before. While she does give attitude to me on occasion she is a wretched bovine to her peers. Roo is an ‘alpha’ cow and when she can’t push her way around she will get aggressive. And that’s not cool on the farm girl farm where we believe in the Gracie Lou Freebush mindset (world peace).

#252 is a vicious raging bitch, like pure evil, and I’m just gonna say the number one naughty cow. She is a first lactation animal who you can milk but not touch, she kicks with a mission and my left hand is always the target.

#238 – Bo Junior, is generally awesome and to be honest the coolest recycler on the farm. She’ll eat anything! It started with a grilled cheese sandwich, but she loves blueberry muffins, and recently she followed my husband around the barn eating his banana and even the peel. Unfortunately she lands on this list because she’s a kicker in the parlor. She’s a great milker, her mother is the oldest cow on the farm, and she’s all black which makes her BE•A•UTIFUL, so she’ll stay.

#141 and none of you should be surprised by this, NONE of you! Three years of getting coal in her stall and a 99% chance of never, ever leaving this list because she’s ugly, first of all, and doesn’t listen, A N D she is super laid back and chill like my feelings don’t matter in her life. It’s just rude.

#17 is the slowest but is old and a brute so we deal with it and talk shit about her when she leaves the parlor. Basic.

Do you have naughty animals at your place? Tell me I’m not alone! Merry Christmas, Nicole

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